Why do I have a fascination with procrastination?
I have no explanation for this mind full of devastation.
trying to avoid hesitation, but run into much frustration
Positive change is slow, but necessary for me to grow.
I have more pain than I show, it isn’t easy to just let go.
One day I will glow, how long will it take? I don’t know.
Do not self diminish or before you begin you will be finished.
Embrace the dark and light, resistance causes an inner fight.
Accept the pain and fear, a calming breath will make it clear.
Your negative thoughts are not you, even if they stick like glue.
I have but one confession, self judgements are my obsessions.
Lately I have began to question all of my negative suggestions.
Fear and darkness rule my mind, where is some happiness to find?
Burdened by my excessive ego, seeds of happiness need to regrow.
Learning acceptance without perfection, that is my desired direction.
Let love and freedom flourish in my brain, time to let go of my pain.
I gave you my trust, but now that has crumbled to dust.
It was more than lust, but now my heart is covered in rust.
Lady Liars unjust, into this horrid world I have been thrust.
Bury me in the crust, I don’t want to live if truth isn’t a must.
I wallow in despair because nobody cares, nobody ever said that life was fair and nobody is there to hear my prayers. Life is becoming much too hard to bare.
Veil between realms, torn and overwhelmed.
Far too many thoughts, are they real or not?
Thoughts breed emotion, such a commotion.
Silent shadow serenade, sorrow perfectly portrayed.
Masterful massacred mind, Beauty and blood aligned.
Thoughtful Tenacious twilight, can darkness be delight?
Fully faded sanity, what is a bigger joke than humanity?
Everyone, they always leave. Finding life hard to breathe.
Losing all my energy, mental illness a separate entity.
Fabled cure for my mind’s intrusions, you can’t fix my delusions.
Cast away, can’t you tell? I’m all alone in my private hell.
Searching for myself inside, feeling like I have already died.
Can’t escape my persistent pain, never will be whole again.
Anger and agony pierce my skin, feeling so confused within.
I’ve fallen apart, there is no fix. Mind full of treacherous tricks.
Death seems to be the only way, nobody listens to what I say.
Feel so alone in my broken brain, all I ever feel is my prodding pain.
Wishing for someone to hold, my darkness is really getting old.
My effort has been wasted, bitter torment will be forever tasted.
My life is broken so I try to remake it, but I can no longer take it.
I try to change but don’t succeed, uncertain of the things I need.
Each breath a burden I try to forget, each action I always regret.
Save your pleads and prayers, your god is a lie or doesn’t care.
On the precipice of destruction, no use for reconstruction, my brain defines malfunction.
I need a change this pain inside me, Currently it is too self defining, I need some self refining
I feel obliterated, I would be lying if I told you I could tolerate it. For so long I’ve masqueraded
Now I am overwhelmed in exasperation, my mind is a disaster nation where you sign your damnation.
I am the confusion that I feel inside my intrusions, I’ve lost sight of what is reality and what are illusions.